Millennials would rather marry later, making marriage harder to reach for those who are still hopeful in finding “the one” before their 30s. It seems that despite free dating apps and social media, people still find it hard to find a potential life partner. With a mountain of debts facing them, living with someone who may have just as much debt would definitely be out of the question.
Indeed, it’s often disastrous to cohabit with a partner who’s struggling financially. Though true love should overlook wealth, we can’t deny that money causes fights serious enough to motivate a split. Hugs and kisses can’t pay the bills, after all.
So how do we find someone that we can live with harmoniously and eventually marry? Spoiler: You might have to uninstall Tinder or any other dating app.
1. Seek a Matchmaker
A matchmaker can be anyone in your circle. Your friends might know someone available, and they’d most likely set you up on a date gladly. But most of the time, friends play matchmaker for only one reason: they’re dying to see you get out of singlehood.
Some are lucky to hit the jackpot from a single date arranged by a mutual friend. But if you haven’t met success yet after several attempts, maybe it’s time to turn away from your friends and seek a professional matchmaker instead.
Elite dating services are nowhere near dating apps. With a clientele of successful and wealthy individuals, professional matchmakers aim to create high-quality relationships with the potentials of heading to marriage. Their services are totally worth the investment because it’s time-saving and cost-efficient in the long run.
When you date for leisure, you could spend up to $700 on average per year. Adding the value of time spent searching and contacting potential suitors, the costs could blow up to $1,000 — $2,000 quickly. But if you hire a matchmaker, your initial investment may be hefty, but the return is priceless: you can be with a partner you’re highly compatible with.
2. Consider Why You Want to Cohabit
When you’re finally in a serious relationship, don’t immediately move in together. Consider first why you want to cohabit; is it mainly to save money on rent? Because while that may be a clever move, rushing into cohabiting without considering other important things could lead to heartbreak because you may realize that you’re not actually ready for that stage yet.
In a 2014 study, only 7% of the 27% of couples who lived together within the first six months of dating recommended cohabiting early. While you don’t need to reach a specific period of dating before moving in together, it’s still crucial to know your motivations before making that leap. If you’ve only been dating for less than a year, chances are you don’t know them well enough yet.
3. Test Your Compatibility
If you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is a spouse material, test out your compatibility to be sure. The first sign of superb compatibility is that you don’t question your love for each other. Doubt has no place in your relationship, even if you’re a natural worrier.
Your complete transparency and honesty with each other is an important factor, too. If you know things about each other no one else does, that’s clearly an indication that you plan on staying together for a long time.
Do you still feel secure even when you’re apart? If the pandemic has forced you to postpone all your dates, yet you’re still enjoying your own company, that’s also a sign that you’re compatible. Extreme neediness isn’t really a sign that you’re meant to last, but rather a toxic trait that can make you lose your sense of identity.
Even conflict is proof of compatibility, as long as you work them out healthily, with proper communication and reconciliation. Serious relationships have serious problems, which are solved with maturity and willingness to compromise.
4. Talk About Money
Money and debt may not be your favorite topic to talk about, but if you’re determined to head into marriage, you have to know how your partner handles their finances. If they’re in debt, will they be able to share your expenses? What if you’re the one in debt? Will they be generous enough to help you?
Combining your debt can be a good idea if you plan to get married, but if your partner is financially irresponsible, it won’t work either.
5. Discuss Housework
A significant part of living together harmoniously is the way you’d do housework. You can’t create a healthy and happy home if only one of you performs chores. Your division of tasks doesn’t have to be 50/50, but each of you has to have their own share of responsibilities. The man shouldn’t just take out the trash while the woman does all the cooking and cleaning.
Finding a spouse really takes maturity and responsibility. That’s why Tinder dates rarely go well, especially if your match only cares for superficial things. But if you meet a person who’s just as motivated as you to have a harmonious married life, whether from a paid matchmaker or not, then you can talk about these things comfortably.